Amazing Grace

The longer I am a Christian, the more I realize...It's more than just a one day conversion and we don't need Jesus anymore...It's more than just choosing Jesus one day of our life 3 years ago. It's choosing Jesus and relying on Him to supply us bread daily. It's seeking His will every day. It's seeking His grace, every day. It's picking up our cross and carrying it until the death of self is complete. It's taking step after step with that cross following Jesus.

I ran smack into a brick wall this weekend. The more I fight against my flesh. The more I strive to be "perfect, as my Father in heaven is perfect." The more I listen to Jesus say, "Go and sin no more." I can't even do good without being prideful about the good that I do. I can't keep the least of His commands. I fail to do what Jesus has asked of me. I realize, I deserve death, but Christ, He deserves my life...for what He did for me. Maybe if I can get myself out of the way enough, He just might be able to do something good, something genuine through me.

I am broken with failure asking for forgiveness for what I fight not to do. Not to run to my Savior asking for forgiveness for what I have asked for many times in the past. Oh how great your Mercy Lord! Oh how glorious, the love you have to wait on me to journey farther with you, to give you total access to me. That I may fully submit all areas of my life. That you may remake me into what you will. My patience for myself grows thin. I can't bear to fail you. Please take this poor sinners life and make it into something, something that brings glory and honor to your name.

Unimaginable, unfathomable...your love! Did you know when you asked of us, what you asked? Did you know the difficulty of what you asked? I think you probably did. So much failure, to strive to be like my Jesus. So much pain, when I fall so short. So much different than what I am, to serve and not to be served, to seek humility and humbleness rather than prop myself up with pride for everyone to look at. Why does it feel like everyone but me has it altogether? Why does it feel like I'm the only one who struggles to follow you? Why does it seem like everyone at church has it altogether?

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me....I once was lost, but now, I'm found...was blind, but now I see so clearly...Halleluah, grace like rain falls down on me. All my stains are washed away. Thank you Lord, for stepping down out of heaven to offer the only life line that can save me...You with me, every day, leading me through this journey, gazing into my eyes letting me know, everything will be alright, one day.........